dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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