I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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