Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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