Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
