Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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