wat bout pragnant strippers??
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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