I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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