I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
