She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
