I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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