It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
