I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
