I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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