I understand Curling. That high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
