Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
