im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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