i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
