So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
