he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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