hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
