Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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