I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
