I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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