Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
