There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
