bring money and cleavage
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
