You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
