I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
