textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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