Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Randomize
