i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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