She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
