i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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