i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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