I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
