the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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