Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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