i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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