I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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