I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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