it was like eating out sand paper
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
