So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
