I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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