I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
