i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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