i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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