"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
