The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
