gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
