She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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