I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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