why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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