Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
