you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
