I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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