i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
