What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
