meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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