3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
